Tuesday, October 22, 2013

On Hip Hop

In my lifetime (29 yrs) Hip Hop has become popular music. From the streets of New York, to my hometown of Compton, from down south, to 8 mile, Hip Hop has evolved into an American musical revolution. It has become the soundtrack to the lives of my generation. 
I'm Skylar, entrepreneur, comedian, and writer. Hip Hop has been a part of me all my life. I grew up in the Compton/Watts area of California. There, if you weren't my parents age Hip Hop is/was king. Specifically for me and my friends Gangster Rap. Until this day I still enjoy the hard hitting sounds of N.W.A, the melodies and flows of Nate Dog and Warren G, and yes Snoop Dog. I cant get the image of his first album cover out of my head. He was a dog in a hat that was grabbing a female dogs butt while she was going into a dog house. I digress, my passion for Hip Hop began with Gangster Rap, but as I got older my taste for the art form began to expand. 
In junior high I began to get into Timbaland and Magoo and Missy (Still mad at Timbaland for making me like that One Republic song. No, No, No, Timbo, It's to late to apologize.) , Too Short, Puff-Daddy and The Family (I loved my Lil Kim poster and if you ever get to meet me , ask me to sing Mo Money Mo Problems.) The Hot Boys (Guess which members new music I enjoy today.) Tupac (Loved him as birdie in Above The Rim.), Jay Z (In his throwback, not a tailored suit. I still do enjoy tailored suit Jigga.) and of course Busta Rhymes (He's the reason my drink at bars is Covasier. Sorry Puff, I'm not a Ciroc guy.) At this point I was rocking a Penny Hardaway throw back, with my blue glasses and jordans, with my silver Superman piece and cubic zirconium bling, while I constantly sprayed my s-curl flat top. image I know in retrospect, but back then I thought I looked. clean. High school was some of the same, but a bit different, but my love for Hip Hop stayed constant.
Hip Hop music and culture for me in High School kicked into high gear. The allure of girls became too strong and Hip Hop is nothing but cool and attractive to the ladies. So I shaved my head; I figured it worked for Jordan and Tyrese. Got a workers permit so I can buy excessive amounts of FUBU, Sean Jean, Rockawear, Jordans, and South Pole. My favorite being South Pole, because they used a lot of blue. (If you are wondering what my obsession with was, take the last part of my first name and chop it off.) Another new hip hop phenomena occurred, which was the absence of shirts. You either had to wave it above your head like Pete Pablo, or stuff it in the back of your pants like The Ruff Riders and ride around. I was OK with this, because at that point I played Football. So I was in this constant loop of buying expensive clothes only to take them off and wave them around my head. Driving in high-school was a big thing. I couldn't afford a 64 Impala on Dubs, but I could afford a 76 Cadillac Coupe-deville on 10's. In the words of Method Man and Red Man, "I know I keep em clean though." My friends and I were not riding dirty to the Carson Mall like the Game, but they did envy me up until the point they had to push my car. Either because the lack of gas money or I didn't warm it up enough. But that was OK because we were still fly. 

Friday, May 10, 2013

On Horses

Let me begin this post by saying that horses are beautiful and majestic. They are not as awesome as Unicorns or Pegasus, but they are a close third. Brief side note; If their are more than one Pegasus would it be Pegasi or Pegasuss. I go with Pegasi. In any case, horses are wonderful creatures. Now, take this next statement in the spirit in which it was intended. SCREW HORSES AND THE PEOPLE WHO RIDE THEM!


I walk my dog in the Oakland hills almost everyday. Signs are posted that say pick up your dog poop or you will get a ticket.  A little further in you will find a park ranger who informs you that you need to pick up your dog poop. Even further in you will find a sign that says death to all ye ol'e non dog poop picker-upers. The sign was written in old English in order to reinforce that this law has been around forever. Which of course could only exist in modern times. Meanwhile, horses pave a layer of crap on the walking path. Mountains and mountains of horse feces prevent Dojo and I from having a hurdle free morning walk.

It's not the horses fault. I blame the owners. They are either oblivious or just plain inconsiderate. They can't bring a poop bag. I mean, they would not have to carry it like the disgruntled masses of dog owners. They could sit on your proverbial high horse and have your horse lug around its own poop. By making everyone pick up their animal friends poop, we can create crap free trails.

My dream of poop free trails will never happen. The pro horse lobby will not allow it. That is why I have devised a plan to get back at horse riders and park rangers. I'm going to start riding my elephant on the trail. He will poop on the park ranger and horse riders as they walk along the trail. We will spew mountains and mountains of crap until we build a Berlin Wall of poop. That wall will remain on the trail and will begin my anti horse poop revolution.