On Horses

Let me begin this post by saying that horses are beautiful and majestic. They are not as awesome as Unicorns or Pegasus, but they are a close third. Brief side note; If their are more than one Pegasus would it be Pegasi or Pegasuss. I go with Pegasi. In any case, horses are wonderful creatures. Now, take this next statement in the spirit in which it was intended. SCREW HORSES AND THE PEOPLE WHO RIDE THEM!


I walk my dog in the Oakland hills almost everyday. Signs are posted that say pick up your dog poop or you will get a ticket.  A little further in you will find a park ranger who informs you that you need to pick up your dog poop. Even further in you will find a sign that says death to all ye ol'e non dog poop picker-upers. The sign was written in old English in order to reinforce that this law has been around forever. Which of course could only exist in modern times. Meanwhile, horses pave a layer of crap on the walking path. Mountains and mountains of horse feces prevent Dojo and I from having a hurdle free morning walk.

It's not the horses fault. I blame the owners. They are either oblivious or just plain inconsiderate. They can't bring a poop bag. I mean, they would not have to carry it like the disgruntled masses of dog owners. They could sit on your proverbial high horse and have your horse lug around its own poop. By making everyone pick up their animal friends poop, we can create crap free trails.

My dream of poop free trails will never happen. The pro horse lobby will not allow it. That is why I have devised a plan to get back at horse riders and park rangers. I'm going to start riding my elephant on the trail. He will poop on the park ranger and horse riders as they walk along the trail. We will spew mountains and mountains of crap until we build a Berlin Wall of poop. That wall will remain on the trail and will begin my anti horse poop revolution.