On Mr. Peanut

On my way to buy some Halloween candy I spotted a can of Planters honey-roasted peanuts. Those things are tasty and very addictive. So, of course I had to buy them. After starring at the can while I stood in the checkout line, I became curious about Mr. Peanuts fashion choices. Why a top hat and a monocle. No one wears these things anymore. I guess because hes over 106 years old at least. Like many old people he is set in his ways. Even so, these were odd fashion choices in his youth. I know Lincoln wore a top hat to make himself look even taller and monocles seemed to be a sign of wealth in early 20th century England. Mr. Peanut wears both, taking cues from both Lincoln and the British.With my appetite now craving more Mr. Peanut information. I turned to the one place that knows all about him, the internet. The information I found was both illuminating and changed everything I thought I knew about the elusive nut.

What people don't know is that Mr. Peanut is a British transplant. He has always been in the protein business, being first cousin to the Wellingtons. Due to a drought at his families estate in the province of worchestire, his families Hazelnut business was left in ruins. So much so, Mr. Peanuts father died in debtors prison. He, his mother and 2 sisters were forced to live with the Wellingtons. Mr. Peanut, who's real name is P.B.J Hazelnut III, vowed to rebuild his families business. He tried to get a loan from his wealthy Uncle H.R Wellington, but all of his money was tied up in his business. Wellington was in an intense battle for Britain's dinner tables with the Earl of Sandwich. Being of entrepreneurial stock and longing to restore his families name P.B.J. decided to board a ship to America in search of better opportunities.

Once he landed in New York P.B.J took a job in a hat factory in the garment district. This began his lifelong obsession with what he called toperwear. In the Spring of 1900 P.B.J received a letter from his Mother. On her deathbed she informed him that he was in fact adopted. That she and his father P.B.J Hazelnut II found him at an orphanage in Virginia. No longer being able to conceive after the birth of their two daughters, the Hazelnuts desperately wanted a boy. This was also a practical thing to do at the time, since estate rights were less than equitable for women. Another reason for them adopting an American baby could have been to protect their standing in British society. No one knows exactly why they adopted young P.B.J. Devastated by his mothers death P.B.J began to rethink his life. Much of his time had been spent at parties and events where he could showcase his multitude of hats. He began to become serious about starting his own nut business.

With the $20 he had saved he rented a horse drawn carriage and bought 20 pounds of peanuts. Peanuts being the preferred nut in America at the time. He decided it would be more lucrative to sell. Also, hazelnuts were extremely expensive. His family was the worlds largest hazelnut provider. After they went under hazelnut prices went through the roof. P.B.J's door to door peanut sales company soon became the dominant nut provider in the New York nut scene. So much so people referred to him as Mr. Peanut. Being the savvy business man that he his. P.B.J Hazelnut III legally changed his name to Mr. Peanut. As his business success took off, in the fall of 1905 tragedy struck Mr. Peanut. He was involved in a carriage accident that crushed his right orbital socket and broke his left femur. This tragic accident led to his use of a monocle and cane until this very day. Nevertheless, he was not deterred from his quest to become the king of nuts. His company has grown into the dominant nut provider of today. They now sell, cashews, peanuts, almonds, walnuts, and even hazelnuts. It is reported that now Mr. Peanut is a billionaire, he has since bought back his families estate. I tried to contact Mr. Peanut at his headquarters in Suffolk Virginia, but I was unable to get him to verify these facts. Still an aficionado of fine toperwear; Mr. Peanut is now a philanthropist and toast of the Virginia social scene. At an undisclosed age of over 100 he is still nuts about nuts, one tough nut to crack, and at a time when it was nuts to sell nuts, he proved that like his father P.B.J Hazelnut II, the acorn does not fall far from the tree.